Journal Entry 35: Being Pushed

My parents are always pushing me to do something, whether it is something small like keeping my room clean, or to work hard to act like her image of an ideal son. How I react to this is usually based on how I am feeling towards them at the time, and how difficult the task is. For example, if it is something like cleaning my room, it doesn't really make a difference to me, and if doing so will appease them, I will usually do it. On the other hand, if they are asking me to work hard to do achieve something that could have easily been achieved had it not been for their own actions, I will usually resist in some way. This sounds really vague, but it is kind of difficult to describe my thought process with words. When someone has a high expectation of me, that I know I cannot surpass, I will still work at it, but not be as motivated. However, if expectations of me were at a level where I may be able to achieve, I will have more motivation to try to meet, or even surpass it. For example, if you asked me to do 100 push-ups, I will do about 20 and be like, okay, I'm done. However, if I were asked to do 50, I would try harder, and I would not stop until I could not possibly do any more.